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Ronald Reagan May Give Greatest Performance By Pretending To Tolerate Mitt...
Fox News is hinting/wishing/masturbating furtively to the idea that the “surprise speaker” at the Republican National Convention tomorrow may be a hologram of Ronald Reagan. After a Tupac hologram tore...
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American Literature Saved! Bin Laden Death Porn Displaces Actual Porn As #1...
If you ever want to weep bitter tears for the death of American good taste, just purchase a coach class domestic airline ticket and take a little trip across Real America. You will discover that...
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Fifteen Percent Of Ohio Republicans: Mitt Romney Killed Bin Laden
Public Policy Polling polled pretty publicly, preferring poignant probes pertaining to…Ohio. They asked a question during that polling – namely, who was more responsible for Osama bin Laden’s death:...
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Dick Cheney Bombshell: Barack Obama Caused 9/11 By Ignoring All His Daily...
Good 9/11 Day to you, Wonkers, and May We Never Forget! Here is your ritual 9/11 gift, consisting of the retelling of the traditional 9/11 story by the Daily Caller explaining how Barack Obama never...
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Never Forget The Summer Bin Laden Briefly Distracted Us From Saddam Hussein
In the summer of 2001, while most Americans were first and foremost worried about shark attacks, our newly installed neocon foreign policy leaders had their eyes on the real enemy, the one man who was...
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Breitbart Takes ‘Fact-Check’ Craze To Logical Conclusion: Bin Laden Is Alive,...
Everybody’s boo-hooing about the fact-check craze sweeping the nation, whether it’s sane, reasonable people laughing at AP’s ridiculose “fact check” that stated Bill Clinton was wrong to point out a...
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Join The Navy, See New Places, Meet New People, And Return To Broken Dreams...
Join the armed forces you guys! We cannot stop counting the perks! You’ll maybe get to travel to foreign and exotic places, shoot Bin Laden in the face and kill him, and then come home a hero! Movies...
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Rep. Peter King Leaks Government Secrets To Threaten National Security Some More
If there’s one thing New York Rep. Peter King (R-OF COURSE) hates — besides Muslims, obviously — it’s people who leak classified information because they hate America. (Why else would they leak...
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A Children’s Treasury of NYT Commenters Who Love Eternal Detention
The New York Times posted an op-ed online Sunday night that’s jarring not only because of its content but because of its very existence: It’s a column from a prisoner at Guantánamo Bay that explains...
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Why Is Michelle Obama Visiting Bin Laden’s Son In The Hospital After He Did...
So it turns out, via tipster “Michael,” who would like Wonket to investigate before we get 9/11ed again, that the SAUDI NATIONAL (who has already been cleared of the Boston Bombings but only because...
View ArticleHere Is Your Precious ‘President’ Obama Telling Jokes At Some Party Or Whatever
Here you go, we haven’t even watched this yet. (We have it open in another tab, though, and are up to “I’m not the strapping young Muslim Socialist I used to be.” We guess we will keep listening!) We...
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Never Forget (Except For The Stuff They Wish We’d Forget, You Can Go Ahead...
What is it we’re supposed to never forget again? George W. Bush, August 6, 2001: Bush listened to the briefing [Bin Laden determined to strike in US], Suskind says, then told the CIA briefer: “All...
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Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium of Cads, Creeps, and Crazies
Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, that weekly big ball of wadded-up idiocy from our inbox that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that didn’t quite merit a full-length Wonket post. Up...
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A Slightly More Sober Discussion Of President Obama’s State Of The Union...
Gentlemen, did you wake up this morning with a little extra pep in your Mr. Peepers? We sure did, because WE FINALLY GOT OUR PRESIDENT BACK! It’s like that awesome hopey and changey guy from 2008...
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Jon Stewart Tries To Distract Us From All These Obama Distractions Fox News...
Forget comedy; Jon Stewart is quite simply one of our best media critics, a Marshal McLuhan for stoned millennials. On Tuesday’s Daily Show, he treated us to his analysis of the pre-Super Bowl...
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Big Manly Former CIA Chief Mansplains: Sen. Dianne Feinstein Too ‘Emotional’...
Former CIA Director Michael Hayden said on Fox News Sunday, on Fox News, on Sunday, that in advocating the public release of the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture, Sen. Dianne Feinstein...
View ArticleFine, Here Is Your President ‘Cracking Wise’ At The White House...
You may have noticed that we did not livebloog the White House Correspondents Dinner last night, because we were already well into an ether and risotto binge, and also it is not terribly funny, except...
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Tea Party Coloring Books Help You Start ‘Em Young
Do you possess a small child? Do you wish your small child would color things to develop hand-eye coordination and patience or whatever it is that kids are supposed to learn from coloring? So maybe...
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Melt Bin Laden’s Face Off With This Awesome Doll The CIA Didn’t Make!
When we were but a young Wonket, we loved our G.I. Joe’s. Pew, pew, pew!, we said to our Joes, along with eeeeeOOOWWW! and sch-BOOOM! when appropriate. Back then, we had to use Cobra Commander as the...
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Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe...
Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we’re just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our...
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